Post Twenty-Three: Hysterical Mess

Elli

I had to get out of there.

I barely got a few steps away before I could feel the tears streaking down my face. I couldn't wipe them, in case Morgan saw and could tell from behind what I was doing. I knew it was evident as I brushed past people that I was crying. That just made me move quicker, pushing myself to get out the doors as fast as possible. I made it outside, finally able to breath a sigh of relief.

I crashed against the wall of the building, sliding into a sitting position as I brought my palms to my eyes. Trying to push the tears away.

It was stupid! Completely pathetic. Why couldn't I stop?

We had barely known each other 3 days.

I was being crazy.

But I couldn't stop them. I covered my face in my knees, trying to control my ridiculous sobbing. Just hoping no one would try to comfort me. My shirt was all wet and splotchy, causing me to shiver a bit.

I hesitantly stood up, hailing a nearby cab. I only had enough money to take the cab to Union Station. It was going to be a long trip, best to get it started.

When I got in the cab, the drive looked me over, offering me a smile, “saying goodbye to love ones is always hard.”

He had no idea what kind of hysterical mess he was offering sympathy to.

Luckily he picked up the vibes I was putting down, and didn't say anything else about it. In fact, we were able to spend the drive in silence. Which is a rare commodity for a cab drive, I've found. We made it to Union in record time, he even gave me a discount.

As soon as I got on the train, the tears came back. I sat near a window, leaning my head on it. Hugging my arms tight around myself. Trying to concentrate on something else.

STOP CRYING!

I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew it was fleeting, I had even expected it to be a one night stand. We were lucky to spend the whole weekend together. What was I supposed to say to him? Ask him to stay, to...what? Move in with me? I knew there was no other way things could happen.

Still, I cried. Uncontrollably. Ridiculously. Crazily.

The train ride felt like it took years. I couldn't turn my brain off and I couldn't stop thinking about Morgan. By the time I got on the GO bus to Bowmanville, I was drained. Moreso than before. The lack of sleep was already killing me.

Maybe I handled him leaving poorly. I thought if I seemed unaffected, he would feel better too. Now I wished I had stayed longer. Had lunch with him, spent every last second together.

Jeez, I sound pathetic.

As much fun as Morgan and I had, I doubt he was stressing about this as much as I was. I needed to get a grip! Face reality.

I almost missed my bus stop as I was trying to convince myself not to care so much. I dragged my feet as I walked back to my apartment. Only 4 blocks away. I hoped Nat wasn't home, I really couldn't deal with her right now.

You know what, this really is silly. I had so much fun with him, I mean, we had a blast together. If I knew on Friday that when we met, we would only get this weekend together, and that would be it. I wouldn't change it. I would do everything exactly the same. At least I can take comfort in knowing that.

I mean, we really did this the right way. No exchange in numbers, or emails. Quick and painless. In a few days, or weeks, or maybe months, we would both move on.

Completely move on...forgetting all about these feelings, forgetting how much we like being in each others company. How it felt to touch each other, to kiss. The softness of his body pressed against mine. The smile he gave me. The way he brushed his hand over my hair.

Fuck.

Here come the tears again.

This is utterly foolish.

It's probably just my lack of sleep, I go loopy if I don't get my usual 8 hours. That has to be it. It's was a long night, and an even longer morning. I am not myself. I need to just relax, get some sleep. I could see the front of my apartment building now. Things will seem better to...

And then my heart dropped into my stomach.

I stopped dead in my tracks, trying to steady my heart, my palms began to sweat. I couldn't control my breathing, every part of my body tingled. I quickly wiped my face.

I could barely believe it, he was sitting right there. On the steps of my building. He casually looked up at me, grinning.

“Am I allowed to say I love you now?” He asked.

#partone #posttwentythree #hystericalmess #polyamorous #comedy #romance #drama #elli